The first trimester

“Oh god... I think i’m Going to throw up” 

My pregnancy was immediately a shock to the system. Me and my boyfriend (now husband) had only been together for around 3 months when we were told by the doctor that I was in fact pregnant and was not suffering from a bug. Stunned, surprised, nauseous. Was I ready for a baby? Was I ready to go all barrels blazing into this new relationship. We hadn’t long said I love you to each other and now I was carrying his baby! Those were my very first thoughts. Then after all of 3 seconds every one of those doubts were gone. I was going to be an amazing mother. This baby although unplanned, was already loved so very much. I could feel it in my heart how much I loved my baby. Dan was secretly over the moon. So we went home and told our families. I’m pretty sure they were more shocked than us. At this point I must interject to say that I was having all of the normal pregnancy symptoms. I was sick... a lot. I couldn’t eat anything that tasted or smelt like meat. I was tired and I would cry at anything and everything.

“It’s going to be OK”

3 blissful days later. On one of my frequent trips to the toilet, I noticed blood. I called the doctor and she sent us for an emergency scan. “Be prepared for bad news.” At the hospital we were surrounded by other worried parents on a separate area from the healthy pregnancies. They asked questions that I can’t remember now but we answered them all. We were taken into a scan room and told exactly what was going to happen. The screen was facing away from me and the sonographer was quietly examining. I felt like crying. Was I losing my baby? My sweet precious little baby. She twiddled something on the screen and just as I looked at Dan the most amazing sound filled the room. Quick thumping, a thumping that is no word of a lie one of the greatest sounds I have ever heard. 

“It won’t stop”

Both our eyes filled with tears as she turned the screen. Now at 6 weeks you can’t see any form. It is a flashing light that matches the thump of the heartbeat. It was like looking at the most beautiful star in the sky. We left that room to go speak to a consultant who told us that bleeding could be nothing to worry about but to keep an eye on it. We then had an 8 week scan just to check everything was OK but I carried on bleeding until the day I gave birth. 

“I don’t know how much more I can take!”

The next 4 weeks  were a haze of appointments to have my blood taken, tests ran and with the constant bleeding I was on edge 24/7. I couldn’t wait to hit 12 weeks, the supposed ‘safe’ date. At 9 weeks I received a letter telling me that I had low PAPP-A. Now this isn’t a serious condition it just means that our baby might be small but they put me under consultant care instead of midwife. At our 12 weeks scan everything was fine. I hadn’t bled in over a week, the baby was the right size and was healthy. Scan photos were printed and distributed to our families. I went to work and when I went to the toilet my heart sank. I was bleeding, heavily. When I went back to the hospital I was put into bed rest and signed off work for the foreseeable.