Problems I didn’t know existed

“Now, we have some options for you”

I was right. Somehow at some point in the week between my scans my water had managed to break. Leaving almost no amniotic fluid in my womb for the baby. They referred me to the RVI two days later for a scan on their high tech scanner. The sonographer said that they would have a better indication of whether this had actually happened or not. So since it was Dans Mams birthday the day of the scan, we took her along thinking that it was a mistake and we were going to get a fancy scan. We arrived and went in. They scanned me and we listened to the heart beat. The picture wasn’t great which was strange but we saw bumper on the screen. Then we were taken to a waiting room. Now off the waiting room there were 2 separate rooms. With tissues on the tables. Pretty little blue boxes of tissues. I’m not going to say I knew at that point that  it was bad but I just felt that something was off. We all knew it was bad though when a nurse took us into one of the rooms and asked us to wait for the doctor. Emma sat beside me and Dans Mam sat beside him. When the doctor came in I couldn’t even look at him. I just stared at my hands, clasped together in my lap. “I’m very sorry but Darlington were right, you’re membranes have ruptured.” They then explained how this could be bad for the baby as the amniotic fluid is how the baby develops the lungs. Also they told us how the baby could have mobility issues due to being cramped now. They gave us the option to terminate. It was at that point my Mummy mode kicked in. “No, absolutely not.” I have never felt so protective of anything like this but they were not killing my baby. Not like this. We had a 30% chance that Bumper was going to be OK. Me and Dan both agreed that 30% was worth fighting for. Still, the four of us went through a lot of tissues.

“Please don’t google it, you’ll just distress yourself”

The technical term for what happened is PPROM. I was 21 weeks and 2 days when we went to the RVI. I’ve always been superstitious so the fact it was Friday the 13th should have given me some clue. We were advised of ways to help Bumper, drink lots of fluid and to shower and not to bath. Now I had lost my water, the chances of infection in the womb were significantly higher. We were told that if the baby came before 24 weeks they would be unable to intervene as it would not be classed as viable. I felt like I was dreaming. The next 3 weeks were 3 of the longest weeks of my life. I was on edge. I couldn’t enjoy Bumpers kicks now as I was scared it was me going into labour. The chances of my going into premature labour were increased by the PPROM. If it weren’t for Dan I would have had a mental breakdown. He was so strong, held it together so that I didn’t worry too much. We still discussed all the things we wanted to do but now we were using the words “if Bumper makes it.” Pregnancy is supposed to be the most magical time in a woman’s life and I was hating every single second of it. Eventually I went against the doctors and googled PPROM. It was only then that I felt hope. For every tragic ending their was a happy one. I read and re-read these stories over and over. I couldn’t get enough of how resilient babies were. My baby was fighting to meet me and I was going to fight just as hard.

“Dan, I think i’m in labour”

When we finally hit 24 weeks, then 25 weeks, I can’t describe the joy. We kept saying “if we can go one more week.” When I was 28 weeks pregnant I started to feel pains, we rushed to the hospital. When they examined me I was not in labour. A false alarm. This happened a lot. I had that many overnight stays in the hospital around that time and the Mid-wife’s had a running joke that I should start paying rent. Once I was transferred to James Cook hospital due to the lack of beds. They did a scan for me, they managed to capture a picture of the babies face. It was Dans double. But still even with a scan every 2 weeks, they couldn’t see babies gender. On 21st July 2005 my Auntie Emma gave birth to a sleeping baby. Kirsten. We decided to visit her grave as we had bought her an ornament for her 10th birthday. Then as Emma had her driving test early in the morning the next day, we were looking after one of my cousins overnight. As a treat we went to McDonalds. For the first time in a long time I wanted a burger. “I really want a Big Mac please.” I polished it off in record time. Then I had a sharp pain in my stomach. I had felt pains before but not like this. The pains became bigger and lasted longer. I timed them and they were closer together. I turned to Dan and said “I need to go to the hospital, now.” We dropped my cousin back off at Emma’s . When they examined me I wasn’t dilated so I was not in labour. The pains didn’t stop though so they kept me on the birthing suite just in case. I was 31 weeks and 6 days pregnant. The pains kept me up. We had been admitted at around half 9 at night and by half 5 the morning of the 22nd July I was delirious. The midwife came in and told us that we had to be transferred to James Cook again. They did another check and still I was not dilated.

The pains that I was having were a concern though so they blue lighted me in an ambulance.